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Not much of anything.
I was there for the grievance committee meeting. But come to find out of the 4 people on the committee, 2 haven’t been showing up for their meetings practically since the committee’s inception. Of the 2 remaining committee members, only one showed. And the person who has the grievance against me didn’t show either. (Both of those people did show up for the regular meeting though.)
So, what happened?
The one person who did show up decided they couldn’t be impartial – they wouldn’t consider my perspective, at all. So it was determined that despite the fact that we both apparently agreed on what happened, yet disagreed on the implications of what happened, and the fact that there was no real harm done, there’s a “mark against me.” It was decided by one member of the grievance committee that I wronged the other (no-show) party. Next complaint, and I’m kicked out.
Funny (as in “strange” not “haha”), but when I checked with others in that industry – who had served as members of industry-specific and official grievance committees – they assured me there was nothing wrong, there were no grounds for lodging a complaint.
So, I’m left with being found guilty of a non-existent “crime”, and (most likely) subject to continued shunning.
Maybe it’s time to move on and “shake the dust from my feet” where I’m not welcome.
So frustrating. And sad.
No harmony.
It’s late.
I know I need sleep. God didn’t make me to stay awake all night long, nor to function well on too little sleep.
But my brain is racing worrying. Worried about tomorrow morning. It’s coming soon. And it will be over fairly quickly.
I hate conflict. Grew up with too much of it.
Now, all I really want is harmony. And if that means keeping or creating some distance, so be it.
But sometimes that means first confronting situations and ascertaining what’s really needed. And confrontation can be is tough.
Tomorrow morning I’ll finally (get to?) confront a situation that’s been brewing for over two months. Someone’s got a grievance against me, and decided the best thing to do was to avoid me – ignore my offers of help, ignore any calls or emails, and dodge me whenever we were in the same meeting.
I finally chased them down before one of those meetings (two weeks ago) to ask what, if anything, was wrong. At first they denied anything was wrong, but when pushed accused me of something I didn’t do. Then when I responded in a completely perplexed manner, they explained a bit more, and demonstrated how letting anger, bitterness, and misunderstanding fester and boil inside for more than a month winds up making a mountain out of a molehill, and practically turning a misunderstanding into a federal offense.
Despite my apology, explanation, assurances, and offers to try to make-it-up-to-them, there was no forgiveness. And only a very slight change in behavior. (Calls are now being returned – reluctantly. But I’m still blacklisted.)
I ended up taking it up with a “grievance committee” that we’re both subject to. (The grievance committee is probably stunned – wondering why I would be coming to them when it’s someone else who has the grievance against me.) We all meet early tomorrow morning. And I have no idea what the result will be.
I know I want to realize harmony. I want to be able to work together with this individual. But it may be that they just are unable or unwilling to let it go, and work with me. If they can’t or won’t, then one of us will have to leave the group. I’m certain it should be them, but if it comes to that, I think I’ll volunteer to leave. Part of me will be sad to go. But another part of me will be grateful for the freedom. Whatever happens, I want to learn the lesson(s) God wants me to learn in all of this… even as hard as they are to learn.
Only a few hours to go.
I gotta go to sleep. And I better sleep fast. Lord, help me… please.
